Tylenol

This note was originally posted over a year ago, but I recently shared it with a few friends and the chuckle was contagious enough to warrant a re-post.  I hope you enjoy.

Years ago I was an athlete.  Today, I’m like most of us – just a little behind where I want to be physically – and I’m trying to get myself into shape.  I’m attempting to eat right and that’s an uphill battle since I’m on the road a lot, but I’m making progress.

Luckily, most hotels have fitness facilities.  They also have free workout routine videos that can be viewed in the privacy of your own room.  I decided to try one:  Rock Hard Abs!  It’s a 20-minute workout that you can’t pause or rewind once it starts. Remember, I was an athlete and how long is a 20-minute workout anyway?  Really – no problem!

I lasted three minutes.  I was shaking so much that I thought I was having a seizure!  Maybe just having abs is okay for now. Rock hard will have to wait. That was Friday.

So, I was thinking of joining the YMCA and my dentist tells me that they play basketball Saturday mornings at 6:30. I love basketball.  I got there at 6:45 a.m. to find out that they changed the time to 7.  It was me and three other guys, so I suggested that we play a game of 21.  While I was apprehensive about playing – I haven’t played in a real game in several years now – I must admit…I was impressive.  It was like I had never left the game. I was cat-like with the moves and it was “bombs away” from 3-point land.  The guys were going, “Whoa!” and started to try and double-team me. Okay…not really.  In my mind it was back to the chants of Go Greg! Can anybody guard that guy?  Whoosh!

By the way, I won the game and it wasn’t even close. I was feeling pretty good – breathing hard, but feeling good.

By that time enough guys had shown up to play a full-court game. I thought the plan was to play cross court, which is really just the court cut in half with a goal at each end.  Silly me – I was wrong. These guys were playing regulation full-court basketball.  How am I going to swing that?  Well, I had to play. I had just demonstrated cat-like quickness and a dead eye from the parking lot with a virtual avalanche of 3-point bombs. I was the ‘rainmaker’, so I had to play!

Five minutes into the game…a bear showed up and jumped right on my back.  Then, a couple of minutes later…right before my very eyes…a refrigerator just walked onto the court in slow-motion and jumped on my shoulders.  That’s what it felt like.  Like I was carrying both the bear and the refrigerator up and down the court!

I’m writing this note on Saturday afternoon and the only things that I can move right now are my fingers.  I’m sore from the shoulders down and I think I have turf-toe.  How do you get turf-toe on a basketball court?  Leave it to Greg.  I spent half the game holding my knees. I did take a few shots and hit at least one of them.  I wondered, “where were all those catlike moves?” I limped to the car in search of an old, lost friend. Tylenol…where are you?

I’m writing this note to all of us who remember that we were athletes once. This is for those of us who think that we still have it.  Maybe ‘still got it’ is overrated.  Oh, I’ll get back at it, but for now – maybe just this week – perhaps telling stories of how you used to kill the competition is good fun all by itself.

I hope you’ve enjoyed a good chuckle at my expense, consider sharing this post and this laugh with a friend.

Have a terrific week.

Greg

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One Response to Tylenol

  1. Greg Gaines says:

    Thanks for all the emails they are much appreciated! I’m sharing the comments of one of our new readers. Thanks for being here Mavis! Comeback often.


    Thank you for sharing. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I can relate. From one FORMER athlete to another, there was a valuable lesson in your experience and it seems that your understood it clearly. By the way, my chuckle ended in gut busting laughter. (still LOL!!)